1. Understanding Positive Intelligence® and Taking Action

In this inaugural episode of Emotional Intelligence: Your Greatest Asset and Key to Success, Jami explains what Positive Intelligence® (©PQ) is: a combination of emotional intelligence, or EQ, and mental fitness that help you to see problems as situations that are opportunities for growth. ©PQ is a mental gym, and by doing daily ©PQ reps, you become stronger and more resilient and can face life and work challenges with poise and confidence. To build your ©PQ, you need to be aware of the self-sabotaging Judge and its nine accomplices inside your head that breed negative thoughts that lead to negative behaviors. One you are aware,  you learn to accept what's going on, and finally, you take the right action of listening to your "inner sage," which is to say your true self and your inner wisdom.

Transcript

Welcome to the inaugural podcast of Emotional Intelligence: Your greatest asset and key to success. I started this podcast because I was completely caught up in the negative chatter going on between my ears, and it was crazy-making. It affected all areas of my life—work, home, and everywhere in between! 

 After spending more than 20 years in higher education, and another few earning a master of divinity degree and working as a hospital or university chaplain, I was still unhappy, but there was no external reason. It was, literally, all in my head! Every negative thought had a deep impact on my body and negatively affected my self-worth and my self-confidence. Last summer I finally said, Hey God, what the heck? The answer was . . . go help others. Okay, so . . .?  I became a master-certified professional coach and then trained to be a positive intelligence coach. It’s been life-changing for me, and it can be for you, too. 

 Positive Intelligence is a combination of emotional intelligence and mental fitness, conceived and developed by Shirzad Chamine. As a result of his own experience, he came to understand what was sabotaging his thinking, which directly affected his behavior and self-worth. Long story short, he developed this program—a way of life—that, when applied daily to our lives, literally changes our mind, our life! The PQ program teaches us that we have a Judge (inner critic) that loves to take us down. Worse, the Judge has 9 accomplices –Avoider, Stickler, Hyper-Vigilant, Hyper-Achiever, Hyper-Rational, Controller, Victim, Pleaser, and Restless.

Each month I record four podcasts that make up a series based on one topic, organized by the letters of the alphabet. This first series centers on three As: awareness, acceptance, and action.  What does that mean? Let’s think of this in terms of “problems,” or as I like to say, “situations.” Any time we are confronted with a situation that challenges us or prevents us from achieving a goal, we have to become aware of it, acknowledge it (sounds easy, but sometimes denial gets in the way). Once we are aware of a situation that needs our attention, we have to accept that it exists. Our Avoider would love for it to go away! Once these two pillars are in place, we can take action.  That’s where we practice our PQ. 

 The judge has no doubt been busy telling you the situation is actually a terrible problem and maybe it’s all your fault! Its critical chatter may tell you “you’ll never get out of this one,” “what were you thinking? Oh, yeah… you weren’t.” Maybe the judge tells you you’re dumb, or that you can’t do anything right. The saboteurs come on the scene and ensure that we stay in that negative rut, or medically speaking, that well-worn neural pathway that we take automatically because that is what we’re always down. 

One of the most insidious things our judge and accomplices do is to trick us into thinking that on some future imaginary day, we will be happy if this happens or if that happens. The truth is,  you don’t need to wait for something to happen to be happy, and in fact, that probably will never happen. In other words, that day is not gonna come because then there’s gonna be one more thing you need and another thing and another thing . . .it never ends.  When we listen to that negative chatter and the empty promises of some “happy” future, we are not living in the now. Easier said than done, I know. We are thinking creatures with about 65,000 thoughts running through our heads every single day. Most of those same thoughts show up the next day, too. 

 We might try to meditate, but Judge and accomplices poke their heads in and try to sabotage your mind. Pretty soon we are not meditating, we are ruminating!  Our measured breathing morphs into anxious breathing as you think of the 7 things on your to-do list, emails you have to send or answer, and whether or not you’ll get home on time to change clothes and head to your daughter’s ballet concert. 

You have not even headed out the door yet. 

 With PQ, you exercise a different muscle and create a new neural pathway and in so doing, you weaken the pathway leading to the judge and accomplices and strengthen the path where your inner sage lives. You draw on your wisdom, you discern, you take careful, thought-out steps to get where you want to go. Awareness, Acceptance, Action.

It defeats the purpose if we lose focus and become susceptible to the judge and beat ourselves up or say “I’m not good at . . . fill in the blank.”  So when your mind wanders, Accept it! We are thinking creatures.

 Trouble begins when we start to think about how many of those thoughts are negative-- you can see how they can pull us down. But when you use your PQ you have a very strong chance of succeeding and turning your attention away from those negative thoughts. 

 With your PQ muscles toned and warmed up, you will become aware of the judge and his buddies: you’ll say “oh there’s my judge” or “oh, there’s my stickler (perfectionist) going at it again telling me I have to be perfect or telling me that if I don’t get every detail just right then everything will turn out awful.” 

 Say, I don’t have to listen to you, judge, thank you very much.. I I’ve heard from you, but now I’m going to practice mental fitness. One PQ muscle we use is to turn our attention to our senses in the here and now--something tactile, something I can hear or smell or taste, or see: I can just fix my eyes on something in the distance, and start noticing textures patterns and colors, and every time I do that, and I intercept my judge or one of my judge’s helpers, I have begun to rewire my brain. I have begun to clear new pathways to a more positive and healthy outlook on life. (Don’t get me wrong, being positive is not about ignoring problems and saying “everything is just great! Be positive!)

The point is, take action to build your mental fitness. 

If you’re starting to panic at the thought of the crazy day ahead of you, practice discerning . . . What would my inner sage have me do? What is the next right thing to do? I accept that my mind is crowded with useless chatter, but think about it: you’ve had a habit of doing that for the last 20, 30, 40, or 50 years.  But you take action.  You stop thinking about what might happen that hasn’t even happened yet and focus on what is  right in front of you. That’s action. That’s a step toward creating a new neural pathway. Go to the PQ gym for 15 minutes a day—three times, 5 minutes.  You will build  that mental muscle and as long as you keep it toned, you will always be able to rely on it. 

That’s it for the first awareness acceptance and action episode, Tune in for episode two when I take an in-depth look at awareness acceptance and action in my personal relationships.  Thank you for being here – and I’ll see YOU at the PQ gym!