Emotional Intelligence and The Purpose-Driven Life

What if the key to a fulfilling life was hidden in the activities that make you lose track of time? Join Matt Berrafato and me as we uncover the transformative power of aligning your gifts, passions, and the people you can serve. From Matt's early days as a hockey goalie inspired by Tony Esposito to his current role as a renowned author and purpose hunter coach, Matt shares his journey and wisdom on how to connect deeply with your purpose. Drawing lessons from Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now," we explore how a simple shift in mindset can turn dissatisfaction into profound fulfillment.

Life is a balancing act between responsibilities and passions, but what if you could navigate both without compromising your true calling? In this episode, we introduce the concept of the "purpose continuum," a powerful idea that shows how your purpose evolves over different life stages and responsibilities. Matt and I discuss practical tips on identifying who you can serve with your unique gifts and how recognizing this can guide you towards a fulfilling life. Personal anecdotes and reflections make this discussion relatable and actionable, helping you remain aligned with your deeper passions even while meeting life’s demands.

Uncover the magic of embracing and sharing your passions as we delve into activities like dancing, hockey, cooking, and teaching that can connect deeply to your purpose. Effective brainstorming often leads to unexpected and inspiring outcomes, and we highlight personal stories to illustrate this point. We also emphasize the importance of recognizing and valuing the passions of others, uplifting them while avoiding self-deprecation and negative judgments. Finally, we reflect on powerful lessons learned from a friend's journey as a quadriplegic, emphasizing our responsibility to honor and share these lessons to help others. Don't miss this episode, where you learn to boost your emotional and positive intelligence to live the life you were meant to live--and enjoy.

Show Notes:
Matt Berrafato, The Purpose Hunter

Get a FREE copy of the Purpose Hunting ebook along with some exclusive bonuses: https://thepurposehunter.com/hi1

Buy the book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CTQQZD6Q

LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matt-berrafato-83528113/

Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, pronounced 

“Muh·hay·lee Chik·sent·mee·hai·ee”

https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/mihaly-csikszentmihalyi/

Music:

What is My Why by Fearless Motivation

https://youtu.be/WPooBmy2h9k?si=Zmq7DAIIMtBR5OFJ

Chapters

• 0:00 Discovering Purpose Through Service
• 9:30 Navigating Purpose Amid Responsibilities
• 21:47 Uncovering Passion and Purpose
• 33:50 Finding Purpose Through Passion

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

that people don't think really deeply enough about is who can you serve with your gift and your passion? And when you start to look there and you go, I've I always get the response but I never really thought about it from that perspective and then I go. Well, I'm going to push you to think deeply on that because when you start to actually I always say when you when you look at the gifts, your passion and who you serve, you wrap a ribbon around those three legs of a three-legged stool and you jump in that water. That's when you create Eventually, you're going to create an environment where your purpose is going to emerge and come and find you, hit you in the chest and you're going to go that's it, yeah, and when you?

Speaker 2: 0:55

Hello and welcome to the podcast. Emotional intelligence, your greatest asset and key to success. I'm your host, dr Jamie Carlaccio, coming to you from the greater new Haven, connecticut area, as a positive intelligence, or PQ, coach. I'm committed to helping people develop both emotional intelligence and mental fitness. That is, you'll come to regard problems as situations that help you learn and grow. Pq is a way of being and doing in the world that enables you to develop and sustain a positive relationship with yourself and others, at home, at work and everywhere in between. Please subscribe to this podcast and tap the like button so more people can enjoy the benefits of PQ. And now here's the show.

Speaker 2: 1:40

Hello and welcome everybody to the podcast Emotional Intelligence, and I'm excited today because I have a fabulous guest whose sole job is helping people find their purpose, and his name is Matt Berrafato and he is the Purpose Hunter. Matt grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, he has several siblings and he is, or was I suppose you're not on the ice anymore, but you were a hockey goalie, and so getting on the ice at a young age and really finding your joy on the ice it sounds like a great thing. And then Matt is also the author of the bestselling book. Which is what's it called, Matt?

Speaker 2: 2:25

Purpose Hunting Purpose Hunting, yay, okay, so we'll talk a little bit about what's in your book and how you work with people, but first I just want to say a couple of words about it. I've been thinking a lot about purpose because we've been having a lot of conversations about this, and I was looking up some stuff on the internet, like I always do, and the Greater Good Society that comes out of Berkeley, california, has written about purpose many times over the years, and the common theme is that when you find your purpose, you are happy, and when you don't feel like you've got a purpose, like when you feel rudderless it's kind of like being on a boat in an ocean and you feel like you don't have any oars and you don't have a rudder it's like where am I going? I don't even know why I'm floating here, and is somebody going to come and save me? And so finding purpose has to do with what I think is finding joy, and if you don't feel happy about what you're doing, it might be time to take stock of that. And I'll just say one more thing One of the sort of spiritual teachers that I have learned a lot from is Eckhart Tolle, and in his book the Power of Now, which I read in 2002, and it just changed everything for me.

Speaker 2: 3:52

He said something that really stuck with me. He said if you aren't happy in your life right now with what you're doing, it may not be what you're doing, but how you're doing it. And that really stuck with me because it made me think about things that I was unhappy about and it made me think, okay, I need to really change my orientation, which was all about my mindset. So I've just said a lot of stuff there Go ahead and pick something.

Speaker 1: 4:23

I love it. No, no, you, you set the stage for many, I mean, as you and I have always had some great conversations. You know it's funny that you are. You know the what you just said about Eckhart Tolle, when he, when he gave you a little perspective, that sort of shifts.

Speaker 1: 4:52

What I've learned is that the biggest characteristic or criteria when I'm talking to somebody that can actually describe when you're actually touching your purpose, is when time completely disappears. And when you so if you think, when anybody that I work with, whether I'm coaching or having a conversation, when I when touching that thing, that time completely disappears, I know it's connected to their purpose. I don't know how, don't know exactly where, but I just know it is, and it's one of those kinds of things where, when time completely disappears because of what you're doing, you get lost in it. It's not a challenge for you, because there's something there that lets you experience something that you don't have to try to get that feeling. It just happens and I don't want that, to think that, oh, if someone's go, I've just never. I've never found my purpose. I never found it. Well, you haven't looked hard enough, but that's not always it, because a lot of times your purpose finds you and it sort of emerges and you know it's interesting.

Speaker 1: 5:50

You know, in the introduction you talk to talk about my hockey background and if you're looking at the screen, the Jersey I'm pointing to above my head, if you're a Chicago hockey fan, tony Esposito was a goalie. That, in my opinion, was the greatest goalie who ever played the game in the NHL. And why do I say that? Because of my passion for the game of hockey. But being a goalie was like a whole new level and what happened was I was using my gifts, which are, you know, my gifts, which in the which in the athletic world, I had very quick reflexes and I was very had. I had a vision on the ice when I was a goalie. There were certain things I did and I just I didn't have to try very hard Shouldn't say that I tried very hard, but you know what it's like. It came naturally to me and I think what I'm trying to get at is when you go with the flow, and and I love that word flow. I don't know if you've read the book flow.

Speaker 2: 6:51

Yes, and I'm gonna add it to the show notes because that that book is the book. How do you say his name?

Speaker 1: 6:57

I can't ever pronounce his name but it's suzent mahali.

Speaker 2: 7:01

I don't know, but we're gonna. I'll even put a pronunciation guide in there. I can't say it either.

Speaker 1: 7:07

Right. He's the only one who I've ever read or heard that actually could describe what I'm trying to describe, which is the state of flow, and when I heard it the first time it was just like oh my gosh, that's it. When you're in that kind of a state and it's not always an athletic state, I mean it's not always an athletic state I mean you don't have to be playing a sport, and that's what I loved about it. So when I think about joy and I think about happiness, it happens at the deepest level.

Speaker 2: 7:32

At least, it's been my experience when you're touching your purpose in some way. Oh, definitely, I find that my deepest joy. There's a wonderful theologian. I like Frederick Buechner. I've mentioned him before. And your purpose is where your joy or your deep gladness and the world's greatest need meet. And I think that when we pursue the joy or the purpose, chances are somebody else is going to benefit from it. We're not pursuing something just for the pursuit of it. It's just that, like your gift for hockey or my gift as a writer or Reiki master or a sobriety coach, whatever it is, somebody out there must need it, or I wouldn't be called to it.

Speaker 1: 8:25

Right Now isn't that interesting, and I think what I, what I'm going to, I'm going to go down a path I'm going to connect to to what you just said. Here's how I think it. I yesterday you heard me talk about it we were on that show and what a wonderful, what a wonderful experience that was. And why do I say that? Because it was almost like, I think people just there's clues all around us. There are clues all around us and one of them, which you just touched on, is when you're actually serving somebody. And it's really interesting when and I call it it's my ace, sort of the ace in my pocket, when I'm trying to help someone find their purpose. It's a matter of if they're struggling with.

Speaker 1: 9:13

I really don't have not been able to answer the question why am I here? I haven't been able to answer the question of what my purpose is, and I go usually, when you have them, take a step back and have them look at what are they really good at in the world. When I say really good at things, that come very naturally to them. Secondly, what are? What are you really passionate about meaning? Really like me being passionate about hockey? You being passionate about writing? Um, you know, if you're a cook passionate about cooking, if you're a teacher who doesn't like to be fed.

Speaker 1: 9:45

Exactly who doesn't like to be fed. But the one I find that people don't think really deeply enough about is who can you serve with your gift and your passion? And when you start to look there and you go, I always get the response I never really thought about it from that perspective and then I go. Well, I'm going to push you to think deeply on that, because when you start to actually I always say when you look at the gifts, your passion and who you serve, you wrap a ribbon around those three legs of a three-legged stool and you jump in that water. That's when you create eventually you're going to create an environment where your purpose is going to emerge and come and find you, hit you in the chest and you're going to go. That's it.

Speaker 1: 10:32

Yeah, and when you do, that's when you go. It's funny in my world of purpose when they go, that's it. The next question always is now, what do I do?

Speaker 2: 10:41

Yeah, yeah, and I need to say something about that because I'm hearing. I want to play devil's advocate for a moment. First of all, I think we both agree that the purpose is there and we don't always know it is there, and you're just sort of helping Dorothy recognize that the slippers worked the whole time.

Speaker 2: 11:01

She didn't actually need to go find that idiot, the smoke and the curtains. But somebody might say yeah, well, I really love to draw and paint, but I have to have this job for 40 hours a week and I get that God doesn't write rent checks, at least as far as I know. Maybe God does, and I'm just not in the right part of the sky. But one thing I think about is yeah, that could be true that you have to have this paycheck and you're a good accountant, but it doesn't fill you with joy and you would rather be painting watercolors and having your art up in a gallery. So how do we reconcile the need to sort of make a living in the real world with finding your purpose?

Speaker 1: 11:50

Oh, I think you're hitting a very important point and a lot of people get stuck. I believe you get stuck and they get stuck because they go. What you just said I got to make a living. You know it's. You know it's interesting.

Speaker 1: 12:04

In my, in my new book, purpose hunting, I introduced a concept that um, I know was, I know was um inspired, so God inspired. It was the. You know, if you want to call it universe, I call it God I. There's no way this came to me just out of my head, because it was so powerful and it's called the purpose continuum and why it's such an important thing is the purpose continuum. If you actually had at the, if you look at, if you were looking directly at the purpose continuum, your purpose would be something on top, so my hand being that purpose on top.

Speaker 1: 12:41

And when I was 23 years old, looking at my purpose, I had just gotten married, I didn't have any children yet. But when I had children, all of a sudden it was like I need to. You know, I got to take care of my wife, my myself and my children. That was, you know, and I looked at well, that must be my purpose and I go. So there was a responsibility because of my choices and I had to do something about that. So I would I would say well, I got to have a job and I have to do these things and what I learned as the purpose continuum moved along.

Speaker 1: 13:14

Okay, as I kept working for and I was, I was providing for my family, I was doing a what I thought was a pretty good job and I know it was and all of a sudden I would all, every once in a while, I'd get to a place where I'd go. There's gotta be more than what I'm doing at this job, and the more that now again, remember, I didn't understand the purpose continuum back then. So I'm going what the heck is that all about? Well, what I know is if, if you move to the right as you age, you move to this side of the purpose continuum. Now, when I was age 50 and I'm looking at that purpose, my purpose, well, my kids are gone, they're out of the house and I'm going well, that looks really different. Well, what's the deal with that? And I said, oh.

Speaker 1: 13:52

And then, at age 58, jamie, age 58, I looked at it and one of my clients grabbed me and sat me down and said man, I want you to, I need you to help me. I've read your book, I'm stuck, I don't know how to articulate my cornerstone values. And I looked at her. I rolled my eyes, I'm sure I said, okay, well, let's go ahead and sit down. Now listen to this. So I sit down with her and literally Three hours later, at this coffee, I'm looking at my watch, going.

Speaker 1: 14:23

There's something got to be wrong with my watch, because we've been here three hours and I'm going. Oh, my goodness, I'm looking at it, I'm going, my purpose is to help other people figure out why they're on this planet, but all of a sudden. So my responsibilities of having a job never left me, my responsibilities of paying the rent and doing the things. I was not a kind of a person that doesn't do that, because that was not me, you know. I just took. So. But what was interesting, the purpose continuum allowed me to see my purpose in a different light.

Speaker 2: 14:55

Yes.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Every time I started going a little bit to the right, and that is how I think you address it. So someone you know, my, my, my. You've heard me talk about my personal philosophy, which I call the elephant philosophy. And the elephant philosophy is how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And please understand everybody, this is a metaphor. I'm not hurting. I love elephants. I would never dream of hurting an elephant, but it's any big project you have, you have to break it in little pieces and do it one bite at a time. So think about this. I was, I love to do speaking events as a professor, you know. I became a speaker right away. This is over 30 years ago, but I had to make a living. I couldn't make a living doing the speaking, but I kept my toe in that water.

Speaker 2: 15:40

Yep.

Speaker 1: 15:41

And I did it as often as I could without jeopardizing my wife and my thing. And so what I tell everybody is, if you've got to make a living, do not quit your job, but pay attention to the things you love, pay attention to those gifts, pay attention to what you're passionate about and pay attention who you can serve, and what you can do is touch those things and you do. That's when, all of a sudden, you go okay, pay attention to that. That was one of the things. Now maybe you can do a little bit more. Maybe there's a foundation you could help, maybe there's this. Does that make sense on how I talk about that?

Speaker 2: 16:16

Yes, and I was just thinking too because we did both. Matthew and I were on the Sears show yesterday with Nikki Gangemi and Sifu Raphael and we will put that also in the show notes because it was a half-hour interview that aired live on TV and it was awesome. But one thing I think is we're not our job and sometimes, when our identity is tied up with what we do for a living, we can lose sight of our purpose, and I did. I lost sight of my purpose when I was so tied up with my title or how people approached me or thought about me or whatever it was, and then I wasn't living, I wasn't joyful, I wasn't feeling like I was contributing anything, and when I dropped all of that stuff and just kind of let it fall away.

Speaker 2: 17:09

Then I could find out what it was that I was called to do and at one point it was to go to divinity school and become a chaplain and then to move into coaching. But I had to let all the other stuff fall away, and that didn't mean leaving my real world responsibilities.

Speaker 2: 17:27

It meant finding a way to maybe mesh them. And I was a little bit crazy. I left my job as a chaplain. It was a nine-month residency at a trauma hospital and I couldn't find another job right away. And I didn't know why, because I have a bunch of letters after my name and I have a bunch of qualifications, yet I couldn't find another full-time job. So I said, hey God, what's going on? Why can't I find a job? You brought me here?

Speaker 2: 17:57

I went to divinity school. I was a chaplain Now what? And so the message was to go help women. And so that's what I did. But I had a hard time making ends meet for a while, while I was getting my business up and running. But what happened was I just kept trusting and then, as opportunities kept opening up, I kept moving along that continuum opening up. I kept moving along that continuum, and so I moved from hospital chaplain to Reiki master, emotional intelligence coach and sobriety coach. But it did take a couple of years. It wasn't like, okay, light bulbs on my life is completely different tomorrow, because that's not always the case, right?

Speaker 1: 18:39

No, it's not, and I mean, you're an example, I'm an example of it, and you know a couple of.

Speaker 1: 18:51

One of my favorite speakers and authors was Wayne Dyer, and one of the things he taught, or one of the things I learned from I'm sure that he was speaking directly to it, but he talked. You know, we are not. I think he used to say we are not human doings, we are human beings, and that makes me smile when I we're not human doings, we aren't what we do, we are human beings. And so if you're not being or you're not embracing who you're being, then maybe you're. You know, are you paying attention? Maybe he didn't phrase it quite that way, but I loved how he said that and you and I had the example of you know, that's why I really like to ask the question, or I do it and bring it up. Usually when I tell I'll tell a story that revolves around one of my favorite characters that I created in my book called COD, and I know you you may have heard me talk about it, but COD, the greatest motivator is your checkout date, jamie, and your checkout date People. I mean, I, I have fun with it. Some people are frightened, but I'm going, man, you know my that continuum way I talk about on the left side of your continuum when you're looking up at it is when you're in eighth grade, the right side of your continuum. Now we don't have a crystal ball of how long you're going to live, but hey, my dad lived to 95, so I 93. So I put 95 as the one over here.

Speaker 1: 20:16

Well, what happens when you get closer to the right side of the continuum? You're getting closer to your checkout date and at least on this planet, jamie, there's a checkout date. You can't avoid your checkout date. And what I know is, once you've discovered why you're on this planet, what your purpose for being is, then your checkout date, you're looking at it and you go I want that dude as far away from me as possible. If I can control those things. There's certain things you can and can't control and I know that the things you can control I want. I want that guy is, you know, the grim reaper. I want him as far away from me as possible. But I'm motivated now, on my terms, to do what I need to do to be healthy, to be the person I need to be mentally. All these different things I can't make someone else want to be healthy. You ever notice that?

Speaker 2: 21:09

Oh yes, you have to want it for yourself. That's the thing you can't get. It's not external, right? That's that part that's inside. You can't tell me my purpose. You might notice it and say, jamie, you know, every time you mention dancing or whatever, you light up like a neon board and then I might say, oh yeah, that is Now. I'm not going to make money as a professional dancer, but I can take the money that I do earn after I pay my bills and pay for the dancing lessons like I've been doing.

Speaker 1: 21:42

Exactly so think about it. So to me it's interesting. I've just learned how to be this person who really number one loves to brainstorm, and I love to teach other people to brainstorm and love it as much as I do, because when you do it, the way I think is, is there a right or wrong right or wrong way? Not really, but when you do it effectively, you'll amaze yourself what you'll come up with. And so when you uncover one of those things like in your case it might be dancing, in my case it's hockey, in someone else's case be dancing, in my case it's hockey, in someone else's case it might be cooking, it might be teaching, it might be politics, it might be there's, there's. Everybody has many passions.

Speaker 2: 22:33

Yes.

Speaker 1: 22:33

And and the thing about that is that I think, when time disappears, when you're doing whatever that is, there's something there that's connected deeply to your purpose. Yes, and so, even though you said I can't make a living doing dancing, you know what's interesting? There's probably somehow in your travels and what you're doing that dancing will enter in in a way that you can touch another person, yes, and lead them maybe to their purpose, or lead them and inspire them, or you know, by the way. So I've seen that video you sent me of you dancing and what do you think happened? When I saw it, I don't know, I completely had this smile and grin on my face. That was. You don't understand that, you know.

Speaker 1: 23:20

So you have no idea how you letting that passion come forward through sharing that video was risky. You thought you were being risky sharing that video with me. I'm going. I it tickled my soul and it really did, because I actually saw something. I saw the glimmer in your eye and I'm going. That was inspiring to me and that's where I get to, where you heard me on the show yesterday say I think there's a responsibility for us to allow others to feel that passion, because that's their opportunity to be inspired by you, and sometimes we don't take that seriously enough and again, it might not be something that I'm going to change the world and I'm going to do this, but you know what, if it brought joy and again for me, you know, when I look back at my experience of hockey, jamie, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:12

The, the. I was so passionate about hockey as being a goalie that I met my best friend, mike Schwoz, who was also a hockey player. And Mike Schwartz was one of the best forwards in hockey that you could imagine and imagine this now, senior year in high school. It was back in December of 1975. He's going in on a breakaway. For those of you who don't know hockey, he's going in skating alone, gets hit from behind, gets he, he, his skates fall from under him, he skips the board, he breaks his neck.

Speaker 1: 24:43

And when that happened, so my whole life I've and I thought about why was I? Why was I on the ice watching my best friend break his neck? Always wondered that. I know now why, but I always wondered that and as I watched him as a 30 for 35 years, live as a quadriplegic If you've never known someone who's a quadriplegic, it is not, it is, it is the most significant kind of disability I think you can have. Right, and why did he? Why did he suffer? Why did all these things? And the lesson this is, this is what I want people to hear the lessons that Michael Schwartz, my friend, taught me after 35 years as a quadriplegic on how to help other disabled people. Yeah, the lessons I needed, and I personally believe that I'm called and it's my purpose to not let those lessons go to his grave.

Speaker 2: 25:40

Exactly exactly. So we have a responsibility, and I wanted to say one thing that's really important. It's also when we talk about purpose and our joy and our passion and sharing it, because somebody else might benefit from it, or get an idea and take it and run with it. It's also not beneficial to put yourself down and, you know, sort of even be self-deprecating, like, oh, I'm not very good at that, or oh, you're going to laugh because this isn't really good. Or you know sort of even be self-deprecating like, oh, I'm not very good at that, or oh, you're going to laugh because this isn't really good. Or you know, the thing is that doesn't serve anybody. It doesn't serve anybody to put yourself down or take your inventory, so to speak, or take other people's inventory or laugh at them or be mean. None of that serves anybody.

Speaker 2: 26:34

And so if we can think about what is the highest good, what is your highest good, matt, and what is my highest good and what is the world's highest good, keeping that in mind helps too, because even the dancing you may not go out to Arthur Murray Dance Arthur Murray Dance Studio like I did and grab lessons, but the fact that it made you happy and, you know, tickled your fancy. That's awesome, and I talk about it on here because somebody else may say yeah, you know, I've always wanted to dance, but I didn't know I could Well guess what. I didn't know I could either, and I stepped on a lot of feet. But I don't care, the lessons went so fast. I would be like, oh gosh, we're already done.

Speaker 1: 27:21

Right, isn't that interesting? And you know I'm looking at the title of the emotional intelligence, your title of your podcast, and think about understanding emotional intelligence to the degree that you and I can understand that we at least I do. I don't put this on anybody, but I know I take a responsibility in helping point these things out to other people, which is what you're saying, and I really I believe so strongly that I think it's a responsibility. I believe so strongly that you know I was just texting back and forth with a good he's actually my godson and and he's challenging with, he's challenged with some really significant mental health issues and but he's got this gift as an artist. That is just unbelievable.

Speaker 1: 28:11

I'm looking at a picture he drew of an elephant right over my, but he's got this gift as an artist. That is just unbelievable. I'm looking at a picture he drew of an elephant right over my. I always keep it right there so I can see it every time and it's just fascinating. And so he just recently went through a really rough period and I brought him back to start thinking about his art.

Speaker 2: 28:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:34

And why. And his opinion oh, these are just, oh, I hate these things, they're not good. Like you say, self-deprecating. He's just I'm going, do you understand? And that's how. I didn't even tell him that, I just said, wow, I just can't. I love looking at that picture. I sent it. I just real few words. I did that and it's really interesting and I think that's what I'm called and I think we're all called to be able to recognize that gift in somebody. Let them know that and say please share that, cause it really did impact me, it did inspire me, and when you do that, guess what happens? I think that's how we change the world. Jamie, think about this.

Speaker 2: 29:06

It does. Yes, it's a ripple effect. That's how we change the world. It's a ripple effect.

Speaker 1: 29:10

It absolutely is. In my opinion it is, and I think that when we don't give I want to say, I'm trying to search for the word when we don't give credit to the strong connection and these ripple effects that come from when we touch it Call it the energy vibrations, whatever it is that actually happened when you actually touch your purpose, yeah, it goes out. It's like that tuning fork, right, it's like someone does a tuning for those. Those have always amazed me, cause you go ding and it's just, it just goes on and go. Well, that's what happens when anybody who's been watching this interview, that our pod, when anybody who's been watching this interview, your podcast, if they're not feeling what's coming from me, they're just not paying attention.

Speaker 2: 29:57

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 29:59

Oh, matt, we have to wrap up in a minute, but you mentioned emotional intelligence, so I just want to say that, as a positive intelligence coach, one of the things that I talk about a lot is that we have a judge and the judge has nine accomplices, and we have neural pathways, and one pathway is the judge and the accomplices, and I call it the rabbit hole.

Speaker 2: 30:21

It's the bad place and it's the voices we listen to oh, you're not good enough. You know that won't work, or I have to be perfect, or you know, if you're in an environment where you have to control everything, all of those negative voices, they're not you, for one. And second, we can stop them with some positive intelligence. We call them PQ reps, where you can just stop and breathe, you can focus on something outside, you can look at your hand for crying out loud and look at the lines in your hand if you need to. But when we do that, we can pave a new neural pathway, and the sage pathway is the empathy, it's the exploration, it's the curiosity, it's the innovation, it's the taking action, and when we do that, that path becomes smooth and that path becomes well-worn.

Speaker 1: 31:17

How beautiful, and you know that's why I love what you do. You know your goal of teaching other people emotional intelligence is critical, because if they don't change that pathway, you and I both know what's going to happen. As soon as they get a negative thought again, they're going to go back to the old way and that old negative pathway that way instead of the new one, that way that you're trying to. I don't know. That's what I've learned anyways, and so God bless you for what you're doing, because I think you're helping people in a huge way.

Speaker 2: 31:46

Yeah, and as we both know and I'm sure a lot of people who are watching this or listening to this know that when we live in that stress mode or that kind of negative feeling mode or whatever self-loathing, lack of self-confidence, it manifests as illness in our body. So if you suffer from gastrointestinal issues or headaches or backaches or whatever it is, that is oftentimes based in emotion and we talk about psychosomatic. That's not a bad thing. That's not like saying you're faking it.

Speaker 1: 32:19

It's saying that your mental state affects your physical state, and that's talking about how putting what into your body I mean, think about it, putting what into your body so that you can actually experience from that perspective. And then our negative attitudes. How does that change how you actually even respond to that stuff you're putting in your body? And and they're, they're, they're so linked together that you can't, you know, obviously, how do you separate them? You really can't. I don't think you can, and that's part of the beauty of it.

Speaker 2: 33:02

So exactly, yes, oh, I could talk to you all day. I want to jump through the screen and come and visit you in Chicago.

Speaker 1: 33:12

I can't wait, so will you do it? And when I get out to the East Coast, we want to do that as well. You know I'm going to be reaching out to you. This has been wonderful. Thank you, yes.

Speaker 2: 33:20

Thank you so much, and everybody out there. I will have Matt's information in the show notes as well as mine, as well as the title, the book flow and the name of the author, whose name we can't pronounce. And before we go, I want to treat everybody to a little snippet of a song that I found that's really good and it fits right with what we're doing, so let me just pull that up.

Speaker 1: 33:50

When you wake up every morning? What drives you? What is your? Why? Tell me, what's that thing that you dream about almost every night? What gives you drive? What inspires? What lights your fire Love that.

Speaker 2: 34:09

Yeah, so that's our show and thank you everybody, and I will see you at the PQ gym and Matt will see you. If you are looking to find that purpose, he will help you.

Speaker 1: 34:21

Great. Thank you so much, Jamie. Have a great day.

Speaker 2: 34:23

Thank you, take care.