Our Best Days Are Ahead: Cultivating Emotional Intelligence and Resilience with John "Cadillac" Saville

Discover the wisdom of embracing imperfections and the power of emotional intelligence with our inspiring guest, John “Cadillac" Saville. John, a beloved radio personality and mentor, opens up about his adoption journey and how it has shaped his positive outlook on life. Together, we explore how emotional intelligence can foster more meaningful relationships and personal growth, with John's encouraging presence and spiritual beliefs shining through as catalysts for his success and influence.

Unlock the secrets to maintaining a childlike curiosity and a resilient mindset, even when life throws its challenges your way. We delve into the importance of faith and intentional practices—like prayer, gratitude, and yoga—in cultivating a hopeful approach to life's hurdles. By exploring the concept of the "inner sage," we highlight the empathetic and exploratory aspects of emotional intelligence that help counter negative thoughts and saboteurs, sharing personal routines and affirmations that boost positivity and well-being.

Take a journey through the vibrant community life in Guilford, Connecticut, where John's passion for community engagement takes center stage. From fundraising to local military support, John exemplifies the joy of giving back and stepping out of comfort zones. Learn how resilience and the art of "failing forward" can turn setbacks into stepping stones for growth, echoing the tenacity of figures like Thomas Edison and Colonel Sanders. Let laughter and positivity guide you away from negativity and gossip, as we emphasize the importance of speaking well of others and nurturing emotional intelligence. Our best days are ahead!

Show Notes:
John "Cadillac" Saville
John works at iHeart radio stations Country 92.5 and The River 105.9! Plus he will soon unveil his podcast “What’s Good” with his dear friend and colleague, Joyce Logan! Find John at johncaddyman.com

Arthur Murray Dance Studio, Guilford, CT
https://arthurmurrayguilford.com/

Music clip "My Best Days Are Ahead of Me" by Danny Gokey
https://youtu.be/Qqus079lUz8?si=5h9zjLpb4_EAPKQF

Chapters

• 0:00 Embrace Your Imperfections and Emotional Intelligence
• 4:35 Harnessing Curiosity for Positive Growth
• 16:40 Embracing Imperfections and Emotional Resilience
• 24:42 Community Engagement and Growth Through Dance
• 30:28 Building Emotional Intelligence and Resilience

Transcript

John "Cadillac" Saville: 0:00

We've all gotten our imperfections all of this. We all have that in common None of us are perfect, but we just do the best we can with what we have and we try not to compare ourselves, because comparison is the thief of joy. When somebody told me that a long time ago, I never forgot that. You know, if you were meant to be taller or shorter or whatever, our maker would have made us that way, every one of us you, me and everybody watching this podcast right now has exactly what they need to reach their destiny. They have a single tool they need from our maker. So just focus on that and don't don't try to be somebody you're not Cause if you had something you're looking at another person.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 0:40

I wish I had that. It would be a burden and not a blessing, because it's not meant for you. It's meant for them, but you have gifts that they don't have, so just embrace what you have.

Jami Carlacio: 0:58

Welcome to the podcast Emotional Intelligence your greatest asset and key to success. I'm your host, Dr. Jami Carlacio, coming to you from the Greater New Haven, Connecticut area. A s an emotional intelligence or EQ coach. I'm committed to helping people develop both emotional intelligence and mental fitness. That is, you'll come to regard problems as situations that help you learn and grow. Eq is a way of being and doing in the world that enables you to develop and sustain a positive relationship with yourself and others, at home, at work and everywhere in between. Please subscribe to this podcast and tap the like button so more people can enjoy the benefits of EQ. And now here's the show. All right, hello and welcome everybody to the podcast Emotional Intelligence your Greatest Asset and Key to Success. And I have somebody here who embodies that exactly. His name is John Cadillac-Seville. How are you today, john?

John "Cadillac" Saville: 2:03

Hey, Jami, I'm doing great, I'm hanging out with you and a whole bunch of your viewers. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Jami Carlacio: 2:14

It is. It is. So let me just tell our guests a little bit about you. You gave me a very brief bio, so I hope that in our conversation we can learn a little bit more about you. So for those of you who don't know John, john "Cadillac Seville is a Billboard Radio Personality of the Year nominee several times. He's a podcaster, he's a voiceover talent, he is a social influencer and he is the president of John Seville Entertainment. He is also the senior director of Melaleuca. He's a fitness enthusiast, a counselor and mentor, and John has been a wonderful mentor to me too a kind of a spiritual slash, I don't know positive mentor, I would say. And he is married to the lovely Patty, and he has been since 2008. And they live in Guilford, connecticut, with their two. In John's words, kitty boys"

John "Cadillac" Saville: 3:13

Ah, my boys. You memorized that all so well all, jami, I'm impressed.

Jami Carlacio: 3:19

Well, you didn't give me a dissertation. Some people give me a book and it's like I don't know if I can say all of that.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 3:25

Oh me a dissertation. no, no, things are good and whatever you want to add is fine, but I just can't wait to chat with you and just see where this goes.

Jami Carlacio: 3:31

Okay, well, let's get right into it. So this is a podcast on emotional intelligence, and I asked you specifically to be on this podcast because you are one of the most positive people that I have ever met, and I just think that when you come into a room, you light it up, you make people feel good about themselves and you have that kind of aura that speaks volumes. Without even saying a word, you just come in with some kind of brilliance and, john, you and I have talked a lot. I know that we share a lot of spiritual values and we share the value of emotional intelligence, but I'm wondering if we could just get to know you a little bit, would you mind telling us just a little bit about, maybe, growing up and what influenced you to be the kind of person you are today?

John "Cadillac" Saville: 4:25

Jamie, I've been very fortunate. I mean I'm adopted.

Jami Carlacio: 4:28

Oh, you are.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 4:34

Yeah, I'm adopted. I have an adopted brother, adopted sister and. But you know, I was raised in North Brantford, connecticut, and moved to Guilford, connecticut, and went to school in that town and got involved in all different kinds of sports and theater and music. I mean I sang in a band. I did a lot of, you know, community theater, high school theater, college theater. I wanted to be as well-versed as I possibly can and I did have a deep faith ever since I was a kid. My mom and dad brought me to church, but my faith has really grown over the years. But I've always wanted to be this kind of a person who's well-versed, is able to get along with all different kinds of people, because I'm fascinated by people, I love people, I love to hear their stories, I love animals. I just don't want to ever lose that childlike curiosity and I'm not sure exactly where that came from my parents to a point but it's something I think that I've innately had my entire life.

Jami Carlacio: 5:30

You know, I want to, I want to go back to that because that's extremely important, this idea that you have a childlike curiosity. I meet so many people these days who feel jaded and cynical and you know, very glass half empty kind of a thing, and I see you as a glass half full or all the way full, maybe even just brimming over, and I'm wanting to, I want to know what it is that has helped you. You know, you talk about curiosity and one of the sage powers, if you will, in emotional intelligence and positive intelligence we talk about saboteurs, the judge and then nine accomplices that are always running through our head at any given moment. But the inner sage is the sage that is full of empathy for self and others and is a sage who explores. So let's say something doesn't work and instead of saying, well, that didn't work, forget it. Let's just forget it. We're not going to do it. It doesn't work, it's explore and ask questions and that's that curiosity.

Jami Carlacio: 6:30

So how has curiosity served you as a professional and how did you get into being a DJ? Was that just a natural progression of your interest in theater? I asked way too many questions, sir.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 6:42

No, no, there's a lot there, but I think you know we were talking about the saboteur and things. It's like watching those cartoons and you have the angel on one shoulder, the devil on the other. I'll hear those voices all the time and 75% of the time they say that we wake up in the morning it's negative thoughts that come into our mind right away. So I feel like I'm a tennis player volleying the ball back and forth. Negative comes in, I'm sending the ball over the net again and going positive, and then negative comes back again. So I'm always replacing negative with positive all the time and that's become a natural reflex with me, I think due to my faith.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 7:20

So when I wake up in the morning, I'm very intentional about my day. I do my prayerful work, I do my gratitude exercises, I do my yoga, so it's like my body and I want to develop that spiritual mental armor before I go out into the world to give me that protection I need against all the negativity out there. Yes, I'm hoping to be that bright light. I know it sounds Pollyanna Kumbaya.

Jami Carlacio: 7:45

Yes, it kind of does.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 7:46

But that's how I live my life, Jamie.

Jami Carlacio: 7:48

No.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 7:49

I have negative days, like anybody else. I have days where I doubt myself. Do you? Oh yeah, I question my own ability sometimes, whether I really matter sometimes. And I have fears like anybody else has, but I just choose to focus on. Whenever I feel that way, I just say Jesus, help me, father, help me how do you see me?

Jami Carlacio: 8:15

Not how I see me or the world, but how do you see me? Yes, oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. I'm going to come back to that, but I want to capitalize on something else that you said, and that is that that we all have the saboteurs every day, and you start your day with three things. You start, you know, in prayer and in gratitude, and then you take care of your physical body through breath, work and yoga. I do the same exact thing and I I tell people that I see every day at work, I get my coffee because that's I love my coffee, but the first thing I do is I go back to bed and I meditate and pray and when I wake up I'm feeling anxious.

Jami Carlacio: 9:00

But when I get out of bed to start my day I'm in a completely different frame of mind and I cannot emphasize enough how important that part of my day is. And I know a lot of people say, oh, I don't have time and I'm busy, wake up a few minutes early.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 9:20

That's an excellent point. Wake up a few minutes early, successful people. Many times they'll take an extra half hour 45 minutes and what you can accomplish in that time. As you know as well as anybody, it's amazing what you can do in that half hour 45 minutes and I'll say, well, god is worth it.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 9:35

To me, I have very, very deep faith, like you do too. Some people call it the universe, whatever they do, and I admire and I respect what they do, but to me it's God, and I just let him know that he's first in my life and he is the one who opens up the doors, he's the one who makes things happen, he's the one who gives me that hedge of protection wherever I go. So he's my source, and everything else on this planet is a resource, first and foremost, each and every day. Am I successful every day with that? No, do I have challenges every day? Absolutely, we all do. But in the bible it says rain falls on the just and rain falls on the unjust. We're all going to have challenges yeah, right, we are.

Jami Carlacio: 10:17

And, um, I want to also go back to this idea of of sort of the the negative voice over here and the positive voice over here, and and just say, because what you said, and and I don't want us to gloss over it, because it's so important when you have a negative thought, okay, yep, here it is, here's the negative thought I'm not good enough, or I'm not going to succeed here, or that person doesn't like me, or this thing went wrong, or whatever. But we can change our thoughts. Yes, right, so you can, and that's why I think of it as reframing, you know, and in cognitive behavioral therapy, that's what. That's what it's all about. It's about looking at your thoughts and seeing them and noticing them and then deciding whether or not they serve your highest good. And a thought that says you're not good enough, nobody likes you, this isn't right, those don't serve your highest good. However, you want to define that.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 11:20

I mean, my whole thing is change the channel. If you don't like a TV show, you change the channel. There's 500 channels, whatever it may be. And if you don't like that movie, go watch another movie. And it's the liar, it's the evil one speaking to you, telling you you're not worthy who do you think you are? And trying to bring back all the failures you've had in your life and put it on a loop.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 11:42

That's not right, and that happens with all of us. Each human being goes through that. But we just have to learn, like you said, to cognitively change the channel and just focus on what's good about us. We always want to be negative, but what is good about us? What do you like about yourself?

Jami Carlacio: 12:02

We have magnifying minds, and so you know, as some people have said, what you focus on, rose, yes, and so if you're focusing on things that you perceive as wrong or bad, then every everything is like a carpenter with a hammer Everything's a nail, it's magnified.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 12:26

Yes we have magnifying minds.

Jami Carlacio: 12:29

Yes, yes, yeah, and so we can choose. And that isn't to say, like you were saying earlier, that everything's perfect and hunky-dory all the time, but one thing I learned 20 years ago I learned this from Eckhart Tolle, actually from the Power of Now, and I probably said it on this podcast before, but I'm going to say it again and again.

Jami Carlacio: 12:53

And that is there's no such thing as problems. There are situations, and as soon as you change the word problem to situation, the thing itself may have happened. You got in a car accident, you're late to work, you lost your job, something happened. Whatever you know, things happen. It's a situation that demands a response, and so how do we choose to respond to stuff? And that's then that goes into building that time in for mindfulness in the morning trains your brain, which is a big fat muscle.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 13:32

That's right.

Jami Carlacio: 13:33

And we were training our brain. I talk about the PQ gym, the positive intelligence gym or the emotional intelligence gym. It's a muscle that just needs to be trained, but, just like anything, if you don't exercise it, it gets flabby.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 13:49

They say neuroplasticity. So we told her I went with the brain and it's really true. I mean, we are what we think each and every day that manifests on the body, and some things of what we say can really change our whole reality.

Jami Carlacio: 14:03

It does.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 14:05

So let's just speak faith and and speak faith into other people too, because so many people have a negative attitude or they're a negative self image and just by saying one thing and make it sincere, because people can tell you're not sincere but. If you're really good to people and you uplift them, change their whole trajectory.

Jami Carlacio: 14:21

You know it can change. A smile can change a person's day, right? How are you doing today, right? You know, and today yeah and sometimes it's as simple as maybe for for women. I mean, I don't, I don't know for men, but for if it's a woman I might just say I really like your shoes, or I like the way you did your nails, or I pay them a personal compliment. That's honest. Yes, as a way of almost establishing a connection.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 14:54

Right, and that's great. I mean everybody. Everybody appreciates a compliment, as long as it's sincere, right. Find something good with someone. Everybody you meet that you can say something good to, and no matter who you run into, there's something about them, that's good.

Jami Carlacio: 15:11

Yes.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 15:11

Just focus on that. Don't assume that if somebody looks good, that they're getting compliments all the time. Many times they're not. Yeah, because people are afraid to be vulnerable or they want to hold back the compliment for whatever reason. Freely share it.

Jami Carlacio: 15:25

I have to tell you somebody complimented me today and then apologized for the compliment.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 15:31

Really.

Jami Carlacio: 15:32

Yes and I said no. No need to apologize. I really appreciate it and thank you.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 15:39

Yeah.

Jami Carlacio: 15:39

Yeah, he paid me a really lovely compliment, but because he was a man. Yeah, he paid me a really lovely compliment, but because he was a man, he felt like he might have done something wrong. And it was a very innocent compliment and a very nice one and a very honest one and I thought it was lovely. But he apologized because he was afraid that I might take it the wrong way.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 16:04

It's too bad that we have to feel that way, but I know it's the world we live in right now and the political mores and some of the things that are going on. But just feel right, feel confident. I admire the fact that he was conscious enough to do that. He was respectful enough to do that. I mean, we shouldn't really have to, but I get where he's coming from.

Jami Carlacio: 16:23

Yeah, he was being very polite and very respectful, yeah, yeah, and he wanted me to know that. He wanted me to know that his compliment was honest and coming from the heart.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 16:37

I love it.

Jami Carlacio: 16:37

Yeah, yeah. So that was one thing. And going back to neuroplasticity, I actually wrote a little ebook on trauma and thriving not just surviving but thriving and one of the things I talk about in this book is neuroplasticity. And you know, I think of our brain, as you know, this big mass of neural networks, and they're just these pathways that we've built over the years and they've got grooves right, because I often use kind of an image like this We've got the judge and the saboteur pathway that's very well trodden and the grooves are deep and so it's easy to keep going down those pathways because they're so well worn. The sage pathway needs to be worn in. It might be uncomfortable or feel odd, but if you continue to use that pathway, that will be the well-worn pathway.

Jami Carlacio: 17:40

Sure, let's go down the road less traveled yeah and let's make it more traveled exactly, and let's bring some people along with us too yeah, yeah, you know, um, scientists say that we have maybe, on average, 64 000 thoughts a day and 95 of them are the same from day to day. So if you think about it, if 60,000 of your thoughts are, say, negative and they're the same day after day, you can easily see why the the kind of the saboteur pathway is the way it is. And I think of it as like the rabbit hole, because I used to go down that rabbit hole a lot. I, I, I didn't, I didn't have like a rosy childhood and I, you know, I've had a lot of challenges in my life, but when I discovered, I had an epiphany a few years ago, when I discovered that I'm not my trauma, that my middle name isn't my job description or anything else.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 18:46

That's right, it's like well, what do you do for a living? I'll say I do this and that, but it's not who I am, it's what I do Big difference.

Jami Carlacio: 18:54

Right, right, and I think our society asks us to identify so much with what we do for a living to identify so much with what we do for a living.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 19:07

That'd be dangerous, because if you lose that living, then all of a sudden you're feeling of self Self-worth can just dissipate.

Jami Carlacio: 19:13

Right, exactly. So if our self-worth is tied up in our job description and it is and it's easy to see why, because we place a lot of value on different types of jobs or professions and if your identity is tied up in that and you have, like I used to teach, and if I had a bad if I quote unquote, had a bad teaching day, if I had a day where I didn't feel like I reached students or the students, for whatever reason, the class just didn't gel or whatever. I felt bad and my whole self-worth depended on how the classroom went that day and I had to get out of that place because it was killing me to depend. That my mood depended on an hour or two, my mood depended on an hour or two, that sometimes the circumstances weren't in my control. If a lot of students skipped class for whatever reason you know it was a snowy day, they just didn't want to drive in or whatever reason, Right, I had no control over that, but I would take it personally.

Jami Carlacio: 20:22

Or I would think, oh no, my class whatever, but I would take it personally. Or I would think, oh no, my class whatever. And then I would, I, my whole mood shifted into the negative and it took away the joy of the work for me.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 20:36

And too many times people let their circumstances dictate their happiness. I remember the Apostle Paul in the Bible said I've learned to be happy in all situations. I've learned to be happy, and he referred to like all of his challenges as minor afflictions. Here's a guy who got beat with rods and wrote most of the New Testament in a dungeon and shackles and chains and he called that a minor affliction.

Jami Carlacio: 21:00

Jamie, yeah, I think Paul was yeah. Brilliant, yeah, I know, I know flitching jamie. Yeah, I think I think paul was yeah brilliant. Yeah, uh, I I know, I know, uh, I I happen to really like paul.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 21:15

He's one of my biblical. He's one of my favorite biblical figures yeah, our mood being dictated by whether we get a check in the mail or not yeah check, then all of a sudden we're happy that day. If it doesn't come, then we were in a bad mood for the rest of the day. We've blown that day. The check comes the next day, everything's good. But we can't get back that, back that, that 24 hours that we just let that loom in our brains.

Jami Carlacio: 21:39

Yeah.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 21:40

Right.

Jami Carlacio: 21:40

And so that's why I value emotional intelligence so much. It's really why I started the podcast, because I started feeling so much freer when I divorced my self image from my job and from anything that happened to me in the past and when I stopped that and I became a positive intelligence coach and I also went into kind of life coaching and then recovery coaching and in all of those things helped me realize that resilience is important and bouncing back and again, pivoting and innovating and exploring and you know, but I think empathy has been a huge thing just learning to love myself, learning to accept my mistakes and accept my imperfections and that they're not a death sentence or a jail sentence.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 22:43

And we've all gotten our imperfections all of this. We all have that in common None of us are perfect, but we just do the best we can with what we have and we try not to compare ourselves, because comparison is the thief of joy. When somebody told me that a long time ago, I never forgot that. You know, if you were meant to have be taller or shorter, whatever our maker would have made us that way. Every one of us you, me and everybody watching this podcast right now has exactly what they need to reach their destiny. They have a single tool they need from our maker. So just focus on that and don't try to be somebody you're not, because if you, had something you're looking at another person.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 23:24

I wish I had that. It would be a burden and not a blessing, because it's not meant for you. It's meant for them, but you have gifts that they don't have, so just embrace what you have.

Jami Carlacio: 23:41

Right, right, and I like the idea of gifts. I want to just say to all of you who are either listening or watching, if this is resonating with you, please like and subscribe this podcast, because the more people who like and subscribe to it, the more visible it gets and the more people get the message that you can live a life of your dreams. You do not have to be rich, you do not have to be famous, you do not have to be beautiful or whatever that even means, but it really is an inside job, isn't it?

John "Cadillac" Saville: 24:09

Yes, it is.

Jami Carlacio: 24:10

Yeah and again yeah. Comparison is a thief of joy and you know, I'll be the first to admit, I always want to be taller. I'm five feet tall and so as soon as I was allowed, I started wearing heels, because I just never felt okay with my height, and now I don't care.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 24:34

That's right. They say dynamite comes in small packages and you are dynamite in so many ways, my friend.

Jami Carlacio: 24:41

Yeah. So tell us a little bit about what you're doing in Guilford, connecticut. I know you're a DJ. I know you host a show or two on a couple of radio stations. Can you say maybe just a little bit about that for the local people who might be watching or listening?

John "Cadillac" Saville: 24:57

Sure, I mean I'm very much involved in the community with my church and I do a lot of fundraising activities. My wife says my biggest problem is I have a hard time saying no. I want to help everybody. I just love, love, love. It just gets me going the adrenaline. When I can help people, I just believe in karma, Just go out there and do the right thing right and I work at several different radio stations, most notably here and locally, on iHeartRadio on the River 105.9, which is classic hits 70s, 80s, 90s.

Jami Carlacio: 25:26

That's my favorite.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 25:28

And Country 92.5, you know which. You know. Country music is so hot nowadays, and in different formats. Whenever they need me Top 40, hip hop I can do anything. And then I have my DJ business, which primarily focuses on weddings, parties. We do all kinds of events. I have five DJs to keep busy and it's a really busy time because people got engaged over the holidays.

Jami Carlacio: 25:51

So a lot of them are looking for their vendors.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 25:56

So we're booking like crazy right now for weddings and uh and that nature.

Jami Carlacio: 25:58

So it's it's a good time of year yeah, and I know you and I met each other through a networking group and I remember you was saying how you were booking into the next year yeah, even in the 27, right now really now.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 26:11

I'm going to be doing weddings using a walker at this. At this point, jane, you know it's going to be doing weddings using a walker. At this point, jane, you know it's going to be whatever it takes, I know. As long as the Lord wants me to do this, I'm going to do it.

Jami Carlacio: 26:22

Yeah, I love it. And you said you do some volunteer work or local work, community fundraising, such as.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 26:30

A lot of community fundraising and whatever we can. When people say community or helping out the military, I mean I'm going to be there.

Jami Carlacio: 26:38

Yeah, that's awesome and I also want to put a plug in for some of the. There is a teach-a-thon going on at the dance studio where I take dance lessons the Arthur.

Jami Carlacio: 26:51

Murray dance studio, arthur Murray and Guilford, connecticut, connecticut, owned by Todd and Carrie. They are amazing and, yes, and they're doing a teach-a-thon this weekend and I'm actually I've got a couple of lessons lined up and I'm excited because they're giving, they use that money, they're doing this teach-a-thon and they're taking those proceeds and giving them back to the community. So I wanted to give a shout out to those guys because talk about giving back to the community. I started taking dance lessons as my son got older and he is much more independent you know he's he's a teenager, he's got friends in a car and school and everything and so I started feeding my soul differently.

Jami Carlacio: 27:37

And the way I've been feeding it is through dance lessons and I have to say it has. It has been a real game changer for me to just get on the dance floor. I started without knowing how to do any formal dance whatsoever and I have learned Foxtrot and tango and hustle and East Coast and West Coast swing and waltz, and I am adding to my repertoire as we go along. I'm not in Dancing with the Stars, but I have a fabulous dancer named.

Jami Carlacio: 28:10

Manny, and what I really like about these people and again, I can't stop talking about them, but they make you feel good, no matter what you do on the dance floor.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 28:22

That's a gift.

Jami Carlacio: 28:24

You know, and every, everything is a high 10. After every day, after every lesson, after every practice move, it's a high 10. Thank you, that was great. That was wonderful. You could have stepped on feet left and right.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 28:39

You could have tripped over yourself. It doesn't matter, it's all high 10.

Jami Carlacio: 28:45

And that helps me accept that I'm not, you know, facile on the dance floor. Maybe someday, but not right now. But I can go out and have fun and it doesn't matter if I don't know how to do everything or if I forget a move, it just doesn't matter I admire people get out there and get out of their comfort zone and just have some fun, try something new.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 29:11

Yeah, it's just exhilarating, even if people I don't like to use the word fail you, and I talk about that all the time yeah, it doesn't work out the way you want. You tried it. You did it. Now pat yourself on the back for doing something out of your comfort zone right?

John "Cadillac" Saville: 29:24

well, that's how we grow yeah, if you just do the same thing each and every day and just kind of like roll through life or coast, you're never going to grow. I mean, you're both adversity or trying different things and maybe even, you know, not getting exactly what you want out of it as far as maybe the success you want. But who cares?

Jami Carlacio: 29:44

get out there and have some fun, live life yeah, yeah and in, I think people can be self-conscious and we don't like to look dumb or look stupid or look whatever, but I'm here to tell you that if you can just take the chance and do something new, something that maybe you think about or oh, I wish I could do that Just try it.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 30:10

Like somebody who wants to be quite colloquial before you got to suck before you're good right.

Jami Carlacio: 30:16

Yeah.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 30:18

We're all going to be that way. You know, people just don't pop out of a genie bottle and all of a sudden they're masters at what they do. There's some work going on there.

Jami Carlacio: 30:26

Yeah, you're right, you're right. And again, I think, if we have to use the word fail, I think there's a phrase fail fast.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 30:36

Or fail forward.

Jami Carlacio: 30:37

Or fail forward, yeah.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 30:39

I would say if you're going to fall, fall forward.

Jami Carlacio: 30:42

Yeah, and again. You can get backed up and you can try again. And, as I think I've heard Thomas Edison said it, you know why did you keep trying to invent the light bulb? You failed so many times. He goes no, I didn't fail that many times. I found 10,000 ways that don't work.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 31:05

And the same thing with Colonel Sanders, you know, with Kentucky Fried Chicken he said things along the same line. Or Ben Franklin, one of the great inventors of all time. They just, you know, just kept going, kept going. They weren't, they weren't, the failure didn't really have, or the challenge didn't really have a big impact he said, okay, this doesn't work, let's move on. They had a tunnel vision. They were not going to stop until they found what they needed to find right, right, it's kind of like a dog with a bone yeah, exactly, you look at the end.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 31:34

I just look at like a squirrel out there. And the squirrels are out there watching what they do each and every day. They don't let anything get in the way. They just keep going, going, going.

Jami Carlacio: 31:42

They're so tenacious yes uh, they just don't, they just focus, focus, focus right and and they often, as I think I've heard, sometimes they forget where they've buried their nuts. I've heard that now they're they buried their nuts.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 31:55

I know I've heard that too, and so they're just out there digging around.

Jami Carlacio: 31:58

So if you wonder why you got a bunch of holes? It's because the squirrels forgot where they buried their stuff.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 32:02

That happens with me a lot. I forget where I put my keys or whatever. So it happens.

Jami Carlacio: 32:06

Yeah, I have to put my stuff in the same place, or I, you know, I would leave my head at home sometimes, I think.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 32:13

If my head wasn't screwed onto me or bolted onto me, it'd be lost somewhere.

Jami Carlacio: 32:18

Yeah, and so I think what you and I are doing right now is practicing emotional intelligence, and one of the ways we do, that is we're able to laugh at ourselves.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 32:30

Laughter is wonderful. That's one of the greatest gifts we ever had or gotten from our maker. Laugh, laugh, yeah, what it does just for health benefits when you laugh. That's why, when you wake up, even before you go to bed at night, try to stay away from watching news first thing in the morning.

Jami Carlacio: 32:46

Oh, Lordy Lordy, I do not do that.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 32:49

Watch something funny. Watch before you go to bed.

Jami Carlacio: 32:54

I watch dance videos.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 32:57

Yeah, whatever is going to make you smile, that's the way to go to sleep at night. You know it's going to keep your blood pressure down.

Jami Carlacio: 33:01

It's going to be so much better for your overall health oh lord, I know I used to teach a course on the news and I loved it, and I actually was a journalist in another lifetime, well before I started teaching, and so I've always been a bit of a news junkie. But I, since I stopped teaching and I again, I taught this course on the media and democracy and the digital age and it was a. It was a popular course because people are interested in the news and it was a really great way to understand how the media works in our society and how oftentimes the news works in our society and how oftentimes the news you know the way that they get ratings is they basically create a culture of fear, and so if you're afraid, you keep watching, because maybe you need more information, and so the fear is actually what sucks us in, and then that just kind of you know does a number on us.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 33:54

It perpetuates and it just gets crazier and crazier.

Jami Carlacio: 33:57

Yeah, and then people think, oh, the world's terrible. Well, if you watch too much news, yeah. Right and that isn't to say bury your head in the sand.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 34:06

No, but there's so much more good out there. It's just they're not going to cover it because they've tried doing good news channels in the past and they've failed. Yeah news channels in the past and they've failed People, unfortunately. It's like when you're going down a highway. Look how everybody stops when there's an accident. All the rubberneck and people just want to see the accident. What happened?

Jami Carlacio: 34:25

Well, I think partly we also. I think I look too mainly in hopes that I hope they're okay or I need to slow down because there's something going on that that is requiring me to pay closer attention, and so so I think people look, but I I'm hoping they they don't look out of some kind of morbid satisfaction, but out of, maybe, concern, like oh gosh, something terrible happened over there.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 34:56

I hope it's okay you also notice when people gossip, a lot of times people all of a sudden they just hone in on it yeah and I try to do my very best to stay away from gossip negative, because I don't want to speak ill of people.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 35:09

You know I just don't want to. If I'm going to speak about you, I'm going to honor you. So when it gets back to you oh, john said such and such a thing it's always going to be good because it's going to get back to you at some point down the line. So I mean that's one thing, that's.

Jami Carlacio: 35:23

That's very dangerous gossiping about others yeah, yeah, you're right character assassination right yes, and there's a lot of that going on. We see it all over the place yeah, and I think that goes back to how do you feel about yourself, and I think if you feel good about yourself, that allows you some space to feel good about other people and when people feel bad about themselves, they're more apt to lash out right, that's what I mean yeah, instead of elevating themselves to get better.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 35:55

They'll try to knock other people down to a certain level.

Jami Carlacio: 35:58

Yeah.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 36:00

And that can be. That can be a very dangerous thing.

Jami Carlacio: 36:03

Right, so I think the first thing we want to do, though, is Create that structure and that foundation in ourselves, through empathy and, you know, being willing to explore and being willing to admit you're not perfect, admit that you're still learning, you're still a work in progress.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 36:24

That's right the times we stop learning. The day we stop learning is the day we really exist. In a lot of ways, we just really need to completely mature and be a better version of ourselves. But it is a journey.

Jami Carlacio: 36:36

Yeah, it is. It is a journey, but it's, you know, and I used to. I mean, there are times when these kind of cliched phrases come to mind and they get old, but they're true, the journey is the thing.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 36:54

Right, it is.

Jami Carlacio: 36:55

Because that's where the learning happens, that's where the joy comes, you know, that's where you get to see things and experience things. If you're already get where you're going, then, and without going on the journey, you, what did you learn? What did you gain Exactly?

John "Cadillac" Saville: 37:15

It's all about the learning process, and that's how we were talking about earlier. That's how we grow.

Jami Carlacio: 37:19

Yeah.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 37:20

Better human beings, more empathetic, more caring.

Jami Carlacio: 37:22

Yes, and we need that.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 37:27

We do, we do without question especially in this day and age, where our country is becoming more and more divided regarding the next president of the United.

Jami Carlacio: 37:35

States that some people are taking it hard and some people have sort of decided not to be nice to people who voted for the candidate that they didn't vote for and that's just inimical to success. And that isn't to say I agree with people politically, because there are a lot of people I don't agree with, but I don't necessarily wish them ill.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 38:19

No, remember back in the days when we can agree to disagree, or people back in the day when they voted and you said, well, who do you vote for? They would say none of your business, you know they would never even tell you who they voted for back in the day. They would say none of your business, you know they would never even tell you who they voted for back in the day. But my whole thing personally, you know, whoever you voted for, it's not going to affect my friendship. You know, with you I'm going to respect you, respect your view. I may not agree with it, but we can agree to disagree, but I'm still going to show you the love and respect as a fellow human being I'm not going to ostracize you or unfriend you on Instagram or Facebook because you voted for a certain person.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 38:53

To me, talking about emotional intelligence, that's not emotional intelligence in my view.

Jami Carlacio: 38:58

Right, Right. Again it goes back to feeling positive self-regard. And if you can feel positive self-regard, you're in much. You're in a much better place to offer that positive regard to others sure and again, nobody said this was easy stuff.

Jami Carlacio: 39:16

There are times when it's hard to like certain people or it's hard to be around certain things, but again I keep coming back to having being mindful, having that sovereign self and drawing on the inner sage. You know, one of the sage powers is navigate and we oftentimes come to a crossroads and have to make a major decision. You know asking your older self what would you tell my younger self right now? What would that 20 year older person say to this person? And know navigating those kinds of things. You know exploring, navigating, innovating, thinking outside the box, taking chances, failing up, failing forward, failing fast, whatever you want to call it.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 40:04

And then you know taking action it's almost like when people say I wish I knew then what I know now right, oh don't we all? Youth is wasted on the young, or something of that nature. We heard those aphorisms everywhere yeah but we've gotten to where we are right now. We need to celebrate where we are right now. Yeah, the words and all yep, that's right.

Jami Carlacio: 40:26

Well, john, you and I talked earlier. You had shared a song that you like and I pulled it up and I'm going to just share my screen and play just a small clip of it for our audience.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 41:05

Go right back and laughing my mistakes. Young enough to look at the future and like what I see, my best days are ahead of me.

Jami Carlacio: 41:29

Yes, yeah, my best days are ahead of us. Yes, yes, they are. And so, you know, live in today, live in the now, be mindful. But obviously we do have to think about you know what we're going to wear tomorrow. Get up, do you know where you're going? You know what you have to do, but it is all about really again sticking in. You know, staying in the present, thanking your source, your higher power, god. Whatever you know, you feel drives you.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 42:06

And we only have grace for today.

Jami Carlacio: 42:08

Like it says, grace for tomorrow hasn't been given yet.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 42:10

So we focus on the grace we have for today and it's going to be there tomorrow for what we need. But, like you said, we really have to live in the moment so much, because if we don't, then we've wasted that time that we'll never get back again. Right Faith over fear, worship over worry.

Jami Carlacio: 42:27

Yeah, right Now you've heard the phrase, I'm sure if you, if you worry, don't bother praying. If you pray, don't bother worrying.

Jami Carlacio: 42:37

I know there's something about faith, yeah, and I've actually had this conversation with people that some people feel like if they, if they're afraid, they don't have faith, and I don't think that's always true. If they're afraid, they don't have faith, and I don't think that's always true. I think you can have fear and have faith, but then ask for help to remove the fear. Acknowledge that, yeah, here's the fear. I have faith. I'm asking for help right now. I mean.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 43:04

Look at the disciples who were with Jesus. They saw all the miracles he did in person and they still feared.

Jami Carlacio: 43:12

Yeah.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 43:13

So we didn't. We don't have that luxury, we did not see in person what he did. So if we start doubting or afraid, cut ourselves some slack. Yeah, it's okay, god knows that you know, it's okay, you'll be fine. So we're all going to doubt, we're all going to have fear, but, like you said, let's just hone right in and say father, I need your help. Yes, help me. Help me understand what I need to understand. Ask him you know, just brought him in. Include him, and he'll be there for you.

Jami Carlacio: 43:43

Yes, and that is a great way to end this podcast. Again, John, you've been awesome. Thank you so much for this conversation.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 43:51

Jami, many blessings to you. Thanks for all the great work you're doing, and we need to get a coffee date again at some point down the line.

Jami Carlacio: 43:58

Yes, absolutely, at Common Grounds. Is that Branford? I love that place. Yes, yes. And so again, if you liked what you heard today, please like and subscribe to this podcast. We need your support. Thank you so much and we'll see you at the Emotional Intelligence Gym. Take care everybody.

John "Cadillac" Saville: 44:19

Thank you for watching.

Jami Carlacio: 44:21

Thanks, bye-bye.